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I LOVE YOU BUT I’M NOT “IN LOVE” WITH YOU
Did your spouse tell you, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you?”
What does that statement mean?
Hi. I’m Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness.
A person who says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you,” is making a distinction between 2 different feelings. But NEITHER of those feelings are love!
When a person says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you,” they’re saying that I CARE about you but I’m not EXCITED about you.
CARING about someone is a good thing. It’s reflective of CONCERN. But it’s different than love. I care about the starving children in
Being EXCITED about someone is also a good thing. But it’s different than love. I might be excited to have a relationship with the President of the
While someone who says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” seems to be making a distinction between “different loves;” in fact, they are expressing their confusion about what love really is. And that’s why they’re having marital problems and maybe even an affair (because who are they IN LOVE with?).
Does This Sound Like You?
·You find yourself saying “yes” to requests when you really want to say “no.”
·It is hard for you to make a decision.
·You are unable to express your discontent with a friend or partner, even if you think it’s justified.
·It is difficult for you to ask for help or assistance.
·It is hard for you to express an opinion that is different from other people’s opinions.
·It is hard for you to share something positive about yourself.
·You do not speak up in class, even when you know the answer to a question.
·You find it difficult to accept a compliment.
If any of these sound like you, you may have difficulty using assertive communication.